Hey kids, shake it loose together The spotlight's hitting something That's been known to change the weather...
(author's note - this is from Bennie and the Jets by Elton John - I don't know what it means - check out the rest of the lyrics and enjoy having the song in your head for the rest of your day)
I believe that this blog entry is a serious one. I'm like that - write about food and jumping in puddles and then this gets into my brain and I must GET IT OUT...enjoy...I miss you all...hugs...big gigantic hugs that make you feel loved and appreciated and cherished, as you all are. Oh, and proper man hugs for the guys...you know, just to be politically correct.
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People are people and I am just one person, trying to live the truth in myself.
Our lives are lived in our own community, our town, our country. We only hear of the plight of others in the world when there is a disaster or when our media decides that it is sensational enough or when someone famous or charismatic brings it to our attention. We believe that our causes (however misguided compared to the abject suffering happening in places around the world) are just, and we justify our existence by giving while safe in our ivory towers. We place judgements on others, and hold resentments and anger toward the status quo or to the wrongs committed by those in power that don’t heed our calls for change, and live our lives in fat, happy bubbles of safety. We are full of what I love to call righteous indignation, and it does some good when we are able to change something small, or help someone who needs it in our community. This is all okay. This is who we are. We survive, and change society a little bit at a time, hopefully for the betterment of all.
Talking to the people I am meeting here, both tourists and Ticos, has taught me yet another valuable lesson. We are all similar. We have most of the same dreams, some of the same fears, certainly all the same emotions that come out when we talk.
I have met people who travel just to get away from their normal lives for a week. I have met people traveling to experience the world. I have met those, who due to circumstance or need, who want to move to Costa Rica to retire or to live. I have met those who are lost.
I have heard people espouse the benefits of living the way they do, some with great vociferousness. Some with ignorance. The ignorant are the most fun to talk with…it’s mind blowing. Luckily there aren’t many of those – self-absorbed and unyielding to different customs, or even a different language.
I will not pigeon-hole people from certain countries, for they all have their ways. I have met a totally fascinating and brilliant couple – an American who lives in Amsterdam with a Brit, who has some Irish in him. I have met more than one Texan, and I hope that not all Texans are like one in particular – shallow would not come close to the right word. I have met Germans who amaze me with their outlooks on life. Sarcastic just like me! And Germans that shatter the stereotypes that I had of them.
Australians, Dutch, Swedes, Argentinians, fellow Canadians, Filopinos, Spaniards, Californians, Panamanians and Nicaraguans. And of course, the Costa Ricans. I have met them all. I have liked most of them. I have been lucky to make new friends.
We are all similar.
I like to ask them where they stand about how the world is going. I like to get them to talk about politics and their country, for it brings me a different perspective on my myopic view of our world. Everyone is refreshingly candid about their hates and likes and opinions. I am heartened by the symmetry of our viewpoints. So much so that it has shattered many self-imposed biases that I had. This Internet thing may have brought us together, or is it that we as humans seek the same outcome – peace, prosperity, order. Or is it that on vacation, people are freer (why does freer look so weird – it is a word, no?) to expound on their philosophies.
I have cringed to hear opinions from a right wing American and just as amazed to find the same American talking about new technologies in a totally selfless global view. I am intrigued by the paradox of that. There’s the American who does not have a filter when speaking. Such foolishness followed by a sentence of infinite wisdom. I hope there are not many like him. He was difficult, perhaps because he reminded me of my father.
I listen and contribute and learn and listen some more. The overriding thing that I have discovered is that I am free here to just be myself. I have in the past crushed my creative side, and censored my outlook, and criticized my own shortcomings, counting on my wits and a small modicum of charisma to exist in the technical world. I am not technical. I am creative.
No more can I worry about what others think. This is what meeting new people from around the world has crystalized in my consciousness. I am just me.
In Canada, we have the freedom to change parts or all of our lives (and trust me, in the last two years, all has changed) and just move towards new goals. Some of the people I have met have no plans. Some have situations that they abhor. Others are in flux, having committed to something that is now tenuous at best; their sanity is crumbling. Some of them are searching for that next part of their life. Some of them have no choice to stay within the confines of their current existence, for they have responsibilities and perceived limitations. But they are all similar.
I have a good company to come back to in Canada. I have wonderful people to share this journey with, and I am meeting more interesting people every day. Yet, as some of you may have figured out, this journey was to see if I may want to change even more. I am not making any decisions yet, but I have found that the options are becoming clearer.
For one, I have realized that things – a house, the furniture, the baubles of my experience, the tchotchkes of my life – are not as important as a laugh or a cry or a smile or a hug or a handshake or a song, or a kiss. To experience watching children play, or listening to music, or just having a good conversation – these are the things that sustain me. It will be interesting to see what I do when I get back.
I also know that the grass is not greener, for I will always have a base in my country. I love my country, and even if the ever falling snow buries me for the rest of my life, I will want to wake up and exist with it. That said, perhaps my goal will be, as a very good friend has pointed out, to travel constantly and learn more about the world – to photograph it and write about it in my unique way. To observe, and perhaps the direction for the rest of my life will coalesce. Maybe I will even write that fiction book.
I thought that coming here would remove my distractions for the writing. In truth, the writing will come wherever I am, and I will have to commit to it, and thrive on it. If I do this, perhaps my reality will become clearer, and the chapters will flow onto the pages, as the days in my life count down to the inevitable reckoning to come. Life is fleeting, and when it ends, I want to have left some sort of legacy… to one other human or to humanity in general.
My photographs record what my eyes see.
My words record my perceptions.
In my little notebook that I carry with me is the following quote, attributed to George Moore - ‘A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it’
I am going to change that. I am finding what I need to find out about myself here. I am finding it because I have taken away my comforts, my excuses and my distractions. I have left myself vulnerable, and I am ready to listen to myself. Of course, I may come home next week, or next month, or just to sell everything. I don’t know, and it’s okay.
I am creative, passionate and caring. I am intelligent and intuitive and loving (and modest?). I am fascinated by others, and by life, and I want to play like I am six years old. Perhaps when I start to form the plan for the next half of my life, I will be able to use these attributes, and somehow make a living, being true to myself, stripped bare, surrounded by those who I love, able to experience and enjoy and love.
Perhaps this is why I am here.
And why these people I have met are the way they are.
I hope so.
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